Sex After Birth: What to Expect and Tips to Get Back into It

Postpartum sex life is a delicate issue, no pun intended. On one hand, you have your new bundle of joy to focus on.

On the other, you’re tired, your sexual desire is absent, your sex drive is low, your body doesn’t look or feel the same as before baby and you might be facing some body image issues, your hormones are trying to re-normalize during the postpartum period, and you might even be dealing with postnatal depression.

New moms don’t want to neglect their partner, but they may have a lot of questions and concerns regarding sex after a baby, especially penetrative sex.

This can lead to a lot of mixed and confusing feelings about when to resume sexual activity.

Read on for tips and answers to help you know when it’s the right time to get intimate in the bedroom again post-baby.

How giving birth affects sex

Women often report painful penetrative sex postpartum, or even that they’re not in the mood for it post-baby.

This is completely normal as the body goes through a major healing process in the first weeks after delivery.

Hormones also play a large role in your mood and how you look and feel after giving birth.

Every woman is different in how quickly her body heals and her hormones go back to pre-pregnancy levels.

Giving birth, both vaginal delivery, and cesarean delivery does a real number on your body, and it can definitely result in painful postpartum sex after birth.

Here are some ways that delivery can affect your body, which in turn affects sex after pregnancy:

• Stretched or damaged pelvic floor muscles, which can cause your muscles to feel weak or loose during sex
• Vaginal dryness due to reduced estrogen levels especially while breastfeeding as breastfeeding makes estrogen levels drop below pre-pregnancy levels thanks to milk production
• Pain and soreness due to stretching during vaginal delivery
• The thinness of vaginal walls or loss of elasticity resulting from stretching and reduced postpartum hormone levels
• Bleeding, hemorrhaging, or lochia
• Low libido, is due to many factors including lower estrogen and progesterone levels, your mental and emotional state, or even just being tired or stressed
• Loose joints and ligaments – the role of Relaxin: Relaxin will cause your joints and ligaments to remain extra loose and flexible even after your pregnancy. What all this means is that you may be much more at risk of injuries, as your musculoskeletal system is in a less stable state. As a result, you will want to be extra careful.
• Episiotomy or perineal tearing, which takes extra time to heal depending on where and how long the tear or incision is
• Cesarean birth can cause vaginal dryness and thinness because of reduced hormone levels, as well as recovery of the incision and abdominal muscles after surgery. Remember this is a major surgery! Your abdominal muscles were not cut during a c-section, but 8 layers of tissue were. 8 Layers! Be kind to yourself.
• Fatigue is caused by your body’s need to continue recuperating or from the demands and lack of sleep you may be having. With the lack of melatonin (due to the lack of sleep), and caring for a new baby, your cortisol levels may be kicking into higher gear. cortisol helps shut down many of your body’s systems allowing your body to focus all of its resources on self-preservation. As cortisol levels elevate, the body may not want to put as much energy into feeling desire when there are other more pressing needs at hand (caring for a new life).
• A new image of yourself – Along with exhaustion and potentially feeling overwhelmed, remember you’re adjusting to what it’s like to see yourself as a new mother. How does this fit in with your previous identity before a baby? How could your sex drive not change with so many physical emotional and hormonal changes!!?
• Partners – While it’s not as common, even partners can experience their own libido loss (even if they didn’t give birth). The biggest triggers are tiredness related to baby care, a new family dynamic, or even a fear of adding more pain or hurt to the partner who gave birth.
• Mother Nature – There’s also an evolutionary reason for lowered sex drive: It’s mother nature’s way of ensuring that you take the time to properly and slowly heal while focusing on caring for the new baby (instead of on trying to make another one). Your body has experienced a significant trauma in childbirth and it’s ok to not want sex until you are ready!

Not every woman will experience these effects, but many do. So if you’re experiencing anything that affects your ability to have postpartum sex, just know that you’re not alone and may need a bit more time to let your body and mind recover.

How long after birth can you have sex?

Research suggests, several peer-reviewed studies show, and most doctors agree that the benchmark for sex after a baby seems to be around six weeks postpartum.

This is trustworthy health information, however, every woman heals at her and her body’s own pace, and each individual’s hormones take a different amount of time to regulate physical changes.

In addition, sex after episiotomy to fix the perineal tear, could require even more healing time to avoid any retearing, infection, or building up of painful scar tissue.

The same is true for women who have had a C-section.

If you’re breastfeeding in the early days, you may also experience reduced libido for several months while trying to have sex after the baby.

One thing to note is that you can get pregnant again quite quickly after giving birth.

If you’re not breastfeeding or if you stop breastfeeding, then it’s possible to get pregnant within six weeks of delivery, and the increased risk of getting pregnant is pretty high.

For breastfeeding women, as long as you’re not menstruating yet, you may have more time before the possibility of becoming pregnant.

Either way, it’s a good idea to use non-hormonal birth control and protection like a barrier method once you resume sex after a baby.

And don’t worry if you don’t feel like having postpartum sex in the first couple of months.

It’s normal, and the majority of women resume sex after giving birth sometime within six months, so don’t rush yourself, and do what feels right for you.

What to expect

Once new parents start having sex after a baby, you may find that it’s not as enjoyable at first.

Physical intimacy might feel different than it did before.

It could be because of pain and tenderness, or possibly vaginal soreness, or even a general self-consciousness you may feel about your body.

Most women may feel some looseness and weakness in their vaginal muscles, as well, which affects their level of pleasure.

However, on the flip side, many women report having even better sex postpartum.

This is due, in large part, to changes in your inner body shape during pregnancy, which may shift pleasure spots to more accessible angles, as well as increased genital and vaginal sensitivity.

So you may find that postpartum sex brings you even better orgasms than before.

One important thing to keep in mind is that your low postpartum libido isn’t a bad thing.

While breastfeeding, your body releases oxytocin (the love hormone) to help you bond with your new baby, but it also reduces libido.

So fear not – you will eventually desire sex after giving birth – it just might take a little time.

With so much oxytocin flowing during the bonding and breastfeeding process, this can replace some of the urges to connect intimately through sex.

Bleeding during postpartum sex

As your uterus heals after childbirth, it’s not uncommon to have some bleeding in the first few weeks.

However, it might also be an indicator of a more serious problem if it persists beyond four to six weeks or gets worse in any way.

In that case, it’s best to consult your doctor and wait for his/her okay before resuming sexual activity.

At whatever point you do feel like having sex after birth, keep in mind that your vaginal walls may be a bit thinner and you might experience some dryness due to lower hormone levels.

This means that postpartum sex could cause a bit of bleeding, as well.

10 Tips for better sex after pregnancy

So what’s the solution? Not having postpartum sex at all for several months?

No way! If you’re ready to get intimate with your partner again, then here are 10 tips to make it as easy and comfortable for you as possible.

Communicate with each other

This is the most important one, so we’re putting it first.

Whatever you’re feeling physically, mentally, or emotionally, share it with your partner.

Be open about what you need and how they can best be there for you.

And listen to what your partner needs and what you can do even if sex isn’t an option yet.

Avoid painful sex and vaginal dryness by lubricating

Because of dryness in the vaginal area, you may need to use lubricant for a while until your hormones go back to normal.

Just make sure it’s water-based lubricant as oil-based lubes can break down condoms and put you at risk of getting pregnant again before you’re ready.

Lubricated condoms are another great option.

Try different positions

If you’re feeling pain or tenderness, or your vaginal muscles don’t feel as strong, experiment with different positions until you find what feels good for you and your partner.

Who knows, you might even spice up your love life with some new moves you’ve never tried before.

Do something to make yourself feel good

You might not be feeling your best after childbirth, and sex after pregnancy may make you feel a bit body-conscious.

So do something for yourself to boost your self-love and make yourself feel relaxed and calm.

Get a new haircut, buy a new outfit, get a massage, take a relaxing bath before sex, or even just remind yourself of how amazing you are to have brought an incredible little human into the world.

Change up your sex routine and sex life

Sex life after giving birth is an opportunity for a new adventure.

If you feel too tired to have sex at night, try having it in the middle of the day during your baby’s naptime.

Feeling uninspired with the bedroom? Try some new locations in other rooms of the house.

Use postpartum sex as an excuse to shake things up a bit.

Explore other ways to get intimate

If you’re not ready for full-on sex after birth, explore other ways to pleasure each other.

If penetration is painful or uncomfortable, try oral sex or mutual masturbation.

Give each other sensual massages.

Stimulate each other by touch.

Or even just spend some quality time in each other’s arms.

Intimacy goes beyond sex, so get creative with finding other ways to feel close to your partner.

Do Kegels or pilates

One of the best things you can do to strengthen your vaginal and pelvic floor muscles is to do kegels and pilates.

If you find that you pee a little when you sneeze, that’s because your pelvic floor muscles are weak.

Kegel exercises can help firm up those muscles, which will increase sexual pleasure and can even intensify your orgasms.

Keep in mind that kegel exercises focus only on the superficial layers of your pelvic floor but are unable to affect your deep layer.

This means you need to be careful not to overly tighten the pelvic floor muscles and learn how to relax your pelvic floor just as much as also engaging it.

The best way to activate your pelvic floor, transverse muscles, and diaphragm is through breathing.

Make time for foreplay

Foreplay is always important, especially when having sex after birth

Because you might be feeling sore or tired or low libido, spend some extra time getting the mood going.

If it helps, create a love-making atmosphere or introduce some new elements into your love-making like role-playing or toys.

Masturbate

One of the best things you can do for yourself is to explore your own body and see what you like.

If you’re feeling pain while having postpartum sex, masturbation can help you figure out what feels good and what to stay away from so you can tell your partner what to do.

Masturbation will also put you back in touch with your own feminine body so you can feel how it’s changed after pregnancy and how you can still revel in the pleasure of your womanhood.

Take things slowly

Lastly, be patient with each other. Whether you’re eager or hesitant to dive back under the sheets, it’s good to take it slowly and ease yourself back into sex after baby.

Focus on showing each other that you care and are there for each other, and make it a priority to connect emotionally as well as physically.

Conclusion

Even if you experience pain during sex postpartum or aren’t yet in the mood to resume sex after giving birth in the months postpartum, don’t worry.

Many women go through the same experience of hormonal changes that cause trouble in resuming sex, especially in the early weeks.

The important thing is to stay in communication with your partner and your doctor and move at your own pace.

There is no right or wrong time to resume sex after a baby, and with the tips we shared, hopefully, you’ll feel more comfortable and better connected with your partner.

FAQ

After childbirth, it’s vital to approach the resumption of sexual activity with care. Your body needs time to heal, and several factors must be considered for your safety and comfort.

What precautions should be taken before resuming sexual activity postpartum?

Before engaging in sexual activity after childbirth, consult your healthcare provider to confirm that your body has healed adequately. They typically recommend waiting until the postpartum checkup, usually around six weeks. Use lubrication to help with vaginal dryness, and choose comfortable positions to minimize discomfort.

Are there specific risks associated with having unprotected sex shortly after delivery?

Having unprotected sex shortly after delivery increases the risk of infections and complications. The uterus is healing from the wound where the placenta is detached, and the cervix is not fully closed, creating an entry point for bacteria. You may also be more susceptible to conception, even if your menstruation hasn’t returned.

When can one typically expect a return of sex drive after giving birth?

The return of sex drive after giving birth varies widely among individuals due to factors like fatigue, hormonal changes, and stress. It often coincides with the end of breastfeeding and the normalization of hormone levels, but it can take several weeks to several months for some.

What changes might one experience with sexual sensation or satisfaction postpartum?

After childbirth, hormonal fluctuations and changes in the pelvic floor muscles can alter sexual sensation and satisfaction. You may experience increased or decreased sensitivity and need more time to become aroused. Patience and communication with your partner are key as you navigate these changes.

How does the presence of stitches from childbirth affect the timing of resuming sexual activity?

If you have stitches from a perineal tear or episiotomy, it’s crucial to wait until they are fully healed before resuming sexual activity. This process typically takes several weeks. Engaging in sexual intercourse too early can cause the stitches to reopen, leading to pain and infection.